Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
