So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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