At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She bit a glass in half.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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