I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
