I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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