At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
