Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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