Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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