Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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