You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize