It's like God shit irony all over that family
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
