He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
