Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
