Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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