Will you blow on my dice?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Are my feet made of real feet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
