someone get that fucking seahorse.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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