My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
