neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
