I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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