I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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