tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
