none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
