I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
