Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
