Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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