Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
