I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
