She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
