oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I party with great urgency now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
