if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
