I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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