"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize