he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
