I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
