oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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