One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
