I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
