I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
