I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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