I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
