Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
