ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
