on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
