Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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