if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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