This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
