Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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