Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My feet surprised me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
