Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
