Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
