Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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