We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
