My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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