Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
