Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize