i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
