watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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