I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we're making bets on your personal life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
