It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
