I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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