Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
