she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
