Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
