I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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