it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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