she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize