your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
