My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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