Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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